Athletes, Anger and Abuse
Violence is a man’s issue. Men can argue all the day long around who are the culprits or the victims as it relates to violence but at the end of the day we as men are left holding violence as like a mother and her new born.
We have created a culture around violence and it is glorified in pop culture and in the media. I’m not here to put all of this in historical context because there is a lot of information out there which speaks to the context of violence. However, my position is how violence is used in the world of sports and our women. When a man “puts his hands on a woman”, violence is his issue.
The barbershops are on full alert these days. Men are sitting and discussing Chad Johnson and how he was cut from the Dolphins and how he lost his endorsements and the reality show cancellation. Barbers are referring arguments from men who are just appalled with the way Chad Johnson is being treated and how it is so unfair.
Is it unfair? Was the punishment to harsh? Does he deserve a second chance? Will he ever be forgiven in the media? I say no to all of them. Chad Johnson and his followers must learn how to deal with the consequences of violence in America.
The patrons in the barbershop will argue that we really do not know what happened that night. Which is true but what we do know is his wife, Evelyn, was running to the neighbors in a night gown with 3 inch gnash in her forehead. Violence is a man’s issue.
The issue of violence is directly connected to anger and how we relate to women and power as men. Violence is a result of living in a culture of violence and abuse toward women. I would love to name the athletes who have arrested and charged with abuse but the list is too long to name.
I will stick with the three I named earlier. Chad, Ron and Floyd are just the tip of the iceberg. Power and money in the wrong hands are a deadly combination. Three of these men had not been given the skills to deal with anger and how to control their tempers and to not hit a woman.
Anger is a healthy emotion. It is on the same side of passion, it is a fire component. The same issues which drives passion also drives anger. Anger is fueled by many components and I will list a few.
- Pain is often expressed through anger.
- Position in the family, relationship is being challenged.
- The need to be right and to win
- The need to be heard and to feel like you matter
These men in those moments of anger and rage felt one or all of these emotions in that time period. When your emotions are unchecked and you are feeling like you are not winning, you use what is at your disposal. You will use your body, raise your voice or throw objects. Violence is a man’s issue.
Once we result to violence, we experience, regret, shame, fear and loss. Lets take at look at all of these men and see what their actions resulted in. Ron, Chad and Floyd all experienced shame, regret, fear and loss.
What are some of the tools we can use to be less angry?
- Stop with being frustrated and wanting to punish the person.
- Stop blaming someone for your feelings
- Stop residing in the anger
- Become solution focused and take action in a positive way.
- Calm yourself down before taking any actions.
Anger can be managed and it can lead to a more positive outcome for all involved. As the stories of athletes , anger and abuse continues, I hope these few tips will help further conversation in a meaning manner.